coming up

Just wanted to check in and let my readers know that after the last year, 2012, I need a fresh start. This year was full of super duper highs and super duper lows. So in the new year I plan on letting you in what really went on over the past year and what to look forward to in the coming year.

I want to tweak my blog, add some new items, and increase my reader base. So thanks to those of you that started this insane journey with me and to those of you who are going to follow me through 2013.

This blog will get better, I promise!

healing process in work

It has been ages since I have been on this blog. Seeing as it was started to document our families lives during the adventure of adding bay number 4 to the family thus making the parent to child ratios 2 to 1. But as you all know we suffered a loss of that pregnancy. So I then tried to make it a normal blog about day to day life but that didn't fit well.

So part way through and experiment of changing my habits towards my hubby- or at least adding a few new ones I got sick. Really really sick. Like migraine after migraine, and tummy issues like I hadn't had in what I thought was forever. Little did I know I had had those same GI issues about 10 years prior..... yes I was pregnant again.

It was not planned, it was actually prevented- word of advice old condoms can expire BEFORE their date----- just saying. They- whoever they are, call it a rainbow baby, a baby that comes right after a loss. We were excited and terrified, I was definitely the latter.....

We held off on announcing the pregnancy seeing we had suffered such a horrific loss and honestly I was in shock. Part of me didn't want to hear the comments about isn't it too soon, and yes I got those, I didn't want to hear about being careless- because we really weren't.

So finally we got the first sonogram and all looked well, and then the next appointment and the heart beat was good and strong and now here we are at 20 weeks. All the organs are there and working, all the bits and pieces are present and accounted for and the growth is great. The heart rate is a good 141, and I feel him or her move and wiggle all the time.

I hate to say it but I have kept my heart very protected through this pregnancy, and wasn't going to touch this blog, but then I thought about it and I should at least celebrate this child because he or she is so wanted. Even if I am scared senseless of a loss again. So cautiously dip my toe into this blog again, and will bring you all through our journey of becoming 2 to 1 odds!

days 3-8 I think ;)



Day 3 was easy and so enjoyable I more than doubled it. Hugs are a natural part of our relationship, we hug all the time, and it brings us closer. Closer more than physically of course. It reunites us and charges us up too. Who doesn't feel good after a hug?

Day 4 was easy too and had a perk! It told me to give him a kiss first time I see him in the morning. As it turns out he goes to work well before I wake up each day so I did kiss him as soon he walked through the door. The perk you ask? NO morning breath! Woohoo it was great!

Day 5 I tell myself- self- aka Mother of all Things- he works hard for us, and yes sometimes money is tight, like scary tight, like lets get super creative with what is in the pantry tight. But he does what is best for us and he does it to the best of his ability. For those of you who don't know the Father of all Things is a bill payer, like the bills get paid, then we get the groceries, then there are extras. This was not an easy thing to do, I was a grocery, bill extra kind of girl. This used to cause lots of fights, but I have learned to remind myself he does it all for us, and he does it best. Thanks to his way we are able to move, we have good credit, we never had collectors calling. He is doing what is best for us!

Day 6 is easy, seeing as he is not a picky eater and he likes everything I make. But of course there are meals he LOVES. And of course the one he loves best is burgers with my homemade rolls. That being said- I planned far ahead to make sure the rolls were ready when the burgers got pulled off the grill. The smile I saw on his face- through the mustard- was enough that I remember why I make them. He loves it and it is a simple way to show him I care.

Day7 Sweet notes, it is so amazing how much of this we used to do when we were dating. I used to leave notes on his steering wheel all the time. SO I resorted to the old ways and stuck one to his wheel. He texted me and said it made him smile and made his day! Wow this is working!

Day 8 Date night is on the books..... We will see if we can actually make it. More often than not we want to bum around in comfy clothes and have a bonfire. Even given the chance we will choose family time at home over going out. BUT I am determined to go out. It will be coffee but that is good enough for me!


So I am finding this challenge fun, and easy. But it is making me focus on what little thing I can do to help him out and make life easier for him. He is in turn is doing the same thing for me- without even knowing he is doing it.

day 1 and 2 update...

Day 1 and 2 are done and gone. On day one I did ask what can I help you with today, and the Father of all Things told me he really needed help putting the pin shelves up. So together we did it, as a team. As it turns out when I helped him saw, hammer and sand the planks, he in turn had time to help me paint. It was much more enjoyable to paint together, than have him working on his project and me on mine. So day one was a success.

Day 2 was easy for me, I never correct him. I don't see the need, ever. I take it to heart that he has bad spelling but comes to me to help him spell something. It is just part of the Father of all Things, just like he has blue eyes, or a big heart, or drives slow. It is just him. I accept him fully, just as he accepts me and the things he could correct. And mind you I have quiet a few... like the way I say pillow- aka pellow, or milk- aka melk. I think day 2 went well also.

Day 3 is upon us, and I have yet to actually see him seeing as he is working out of town today. The hugging has been a bit hard, but I will make up for it when he gets home tonight. I'll fill you all in tomorrow on how the days challenge goes.

Until then think maybe you could try a few of these, and would it hurt your relationship? Could it help it?

30 Day Challenge

 

So above is a copy of the 30 day challenge that I will be doing for the month of April. This post was written late yesterday, and should have been published but I was so tired I forgot to hit publish. Besides for those of you who know me, would have sworn it was an April fool's joke!

So it is in essence the Mother of all Things to do list for the Month of April. I am curious to see if it make a difference in the relationship between the Mother and Father of all Things? It can't hurt right? Well much, number 29 looks pretty scary (say me while biting my nails).

So here goes nothing I say (while still biting my nails).

Busy Who Me?

Been a bit since the last check in and I wish I could report that the house was on the market, or better yet that it was sold. But alas it still is our 100% ours. But on the flip side Me and the Father of all Things have spruced up this house and made it pretty- ok well I have done a ton of the sprucing. And did you know that sprucing involved washing sap off the siding? Or that it involves painting every surface, vertical and horizontal? Or that it involves putting molding everywhere? Or putting in flooring where there has not been flooring in 33 years, well more than 33 years, it has never been there!

I have never done so many new things. I have never fixed so many old things. And I am thinking that it is preparing me for the next home we will live in. I am now the fixer of all things on top of being the Mother of all Things, and I find I can do it all at the same time! And I even have pictures to prove it!

This is the before shot of my challenge for today.

This is a during shot and yes you see a fire going and Thing 3 the super "helper"

How many hazards can you see in this photo? I see a ton!

And here it is all finished!

Slow but steady the Mother of all Things is going to get us to the country, and in the mean time I ran across a 30 day challenge and it seems like a win win situation. I am going to do a bit more research on it before I announce the details, but lets just say I do believe it it something we should all think about. And for the month of April I will be working on it and updating my progress made.



Spring

Spring is in the air here in Upstate NY, which is odd, seeing as we are normally still fearful of snow this time of year. But this year instead of the regular 123.8 inches of snow we have received a whopping 50.6 inches. WOW! Like WOW WOW! So it seems like spring is here to stay, which for someone who has grown up here for the last 33 years it seems too good to be true. And by here I mean in this very house.

About 5 years ago we bought my childhood house. It needed work, like a bunch of it. Ok more like a ton of it! A bunch of said work was just so it didn't feel like my parents house anymore. I needed it to feel like my home- not my moms. No offense mom ((hugs)). So 5 years ago this was supposed to be a quick stop on our way to the country. Yeah 5 years have come and gone, 1 added child, many many gallons of paint, new carpet, new windows and a furnace later we are on the brink of a season on change. Did I mention we got rid of the giant pond- aka pool so we have a use able backyard? PS Duck have nested on the pool and laid eggs on the deck so pond was very accurate!

Once we had found out we were expecting we knew we had to get a bigger house. And if we were going to move then it had to be to our forever house. Now that we lost Thing 4, we don't really "need" a bigger house, but we do need more space. We need more country, less neighbors, less noise- unless you count a rooster or a cow! So this new season we are looking high and low to find what we want as a family home of our own. It doesn't seem to be an easy search seeing as there are not too many farms on the market, but it will happen when it is supposed to happen.

So these are our newest 2 to 1 odds- selling our house with the correct timing of finding another one. One that has 4 bedrooms, 5 acres, a barn and horse stalls are an added plus. <----- Just in case you know of a place ;)  But to be able to pull it off that means I have to make my very colorful house very very boring, and not be able to put in my vegetable garden- apparently gardens are less desirable than grass. Odd to my mind, but be it that may, I will fake conformity, I will fake cookie cutter, I will fake "normal".

So as we just had the time change, it is time for our lives to change and we too need to spring forward! I will keep you all posted on the adventure as it unfolds. It will prove to be interesting I am sure! And to quote Things 3's favorite tv show- Here we go go go go, on an adventure!

I am here

It has been a while since I wrote, and I keep meaning to but I can often find ways to avoid it. Hmmmmm the Things are on winter recess. I have been prepping the house to move. I have movies to watch with the father of all Things. Heck I even have laundry to fold!

Ok you busted me, the last one was a lie, I don't fold laundry. opps.

But I have been insanely busy and not with fun things at all. Actually they have all been pretty terrible. I learned of a friends daughter passing away at home, at least it was peaceful, but it still breaks my heart. Her sweet Lily was one month and one day older than Thing 3. I have known the mommy for a long time now, years actually and we laughed because we have babies together often. She has twin girls the same age as Thing 2, and we both just got pregnant around Christmas. We both have lost our Christmas babies. I wish I could take away her pain, I wish I could make it better. But I am helpless, I can't fix her, I can't make her feel better. All I can do is be there for her when she is ready.

I also got the news of another Christmas baby being lost by another friend, and hers has been so much harder than mine. Hers has resulted in a subsequent infection, you know just in case loosing a baby wasn't enough. My heart breaks for her too, they were done having babies. I know I will have the chance to try again eventually. For her it seems that may not be an option, and again I can't fix it for her, I can't make it better. And again I am here for her.

Next up was another friend of mine- who has been getting the short end of the stick for years now, found out her sister had a stroke. Just like that, out of the blue, poof!  Her sister is my age, not even a year old. HOW does that happen? She has children, young ones, and she has lost her speech. I mean how can you raise children with out being able to talk to them? Hopefully with some therapy she will regain this skill.

So yes I have been busy with a lot of really really bad things. But I also have been busy with a few good things.

1) We are going to try and put the house up for sale in a couple of months to move to the country. So we can look out our windows ans see this.



2) I have found friends where I least expected them. Friends that have come forward in this chaotic time, friends that are willing to help out people they have never even met. It touches my heart.

3)I have folded laundry- opps busted again I have not. It looks a lot like this....

Ok this is not me, but it could be, and I found it under Kelly laundry pile through Google.

 So on that note, life goes on with or without me. And I choose to be involved in it, which means good or bad I am here.

P.S. I think the laundry has me beat by better than 2 to 1 odds humph!

Tornado

This whole experience has been what some would call a roller coaster. And some level it has been, but a roller coaster is something you choose to get on, and in the end you know it will have been scary but it was fun because you can get off. You will survive the ups and downs and you will say to your friends Holy $%#! that was scary- let's do it again! So really this whole thing was not a roller coaster, I did not have fun in the end, I do not want to do it again, and I certainly did not get to get off at the end....

This whole thing was more like a tornado, it started as a small storm and quickly became wild and out of control. It started innocently enough with the a positive test, it grew fast and furious as our families excitement grew, that was the rain shower in the beginning that turn into a down pour when I felt a little off. In my gut I think I knew something was just a little off, and in the distance I could hear the thunder. When I went into the doctors for the first time that was the first strike of lightening that quickly had the winds pick up and after that it was a fast and furious tornado that ripped through our lives. Between the sonograms, and the blood work and the false hopes, and the lack of hope to the final answer of Thing 4 being a no go. That was the first touch down of the tornado.

Most of you know I went in for my final sonogram a week ago, and there was no more heartbeat, Thing 4 was officially an Angel, but I got to see him/her and what a blessing. So the next day I had to go into the hospital for a D&C, for those of you who do not know what that is, it is a dilation and curettage. That is where they knock you out and remove the part of the pregnancy that remains, and has the possibility of causing future problems. I know some women may not choose that route and want to go naturally but after 3 weeks of the tornado ripping through our lives, I needed some sort of control. This was the one and only way I could try and stop the destruction.

So it was a Tuesday morning and I went in to the hospital at a very very early hour to get set up for this simple procedure. Little did I know that the tornado had followed me to the hospital..... I got prepped, and brought to the staging area, easy peasy. The IV went right in, I was in good spirits, I mean hey I had answers and some control back in my life. They gave me what they called the "I don't care juice" aka the good stuff they give you before they wheel you into the operating room, and put the mask on you. Honestly it felt good to relax and know when I woke up  45 minutes later this was done. Little did I know they gave me the good stuff, wheeled me in I remember them securing me to the table and putting the mask on and BAM I was out. I went in a little before 8:30 am and woke up in the surgery ICU area 2 hours later.... hmmm in my fog I realized it took longer that the 45 minutes I was told- Oh well I felt good- I think.

Enter the tornado- again. My nurses were great they listened to me before the surgery and gave me meds so I wasn't sick from the anesthesia. What wasn't taken into account was the reaction to one of the medications I got. Apparently either anesthesia makes my heart very unhappy or pain meds do- who knows. But I spent the next 5 hours in the ICU until with an out of control heart rate that averaged 160 bpm even after 3 doses of a medication to lower it. The tornado was recking havoc on me once again. All I could do was lay there semi -up right and feel my heart race, and shake. My nurses never left my side. Like any other tornado it finally ran out of steam and blew away with time, as did the out of control heart rate. They finally let me see the Father of All Things again after 4 hours, at one point they let him see me, but then soon shooed him out with out many answers. I got to go to a normal recovery room when my heart rate finally reaches 110 bmp- mind you I went into the surgery  at a stressed and nervous rate of 85. That is when the itching started, again something did not agree with my body and I itched my self silly, ok I itched my self until I bled. But I did get to go home after an hour in there and I ate something.

On the drive home I was never so itchy or so happy to be going home. I breathed a sigh of relief, I knew that finally I left the tornado behind, and there was for sure a huge path of destruction it left behind. And i could focus on that, and keep glancing back and wondering what if, but if I were to do that then I would have missed the rainbow up ahead of me. So like any tornado it was violent, it was destructive, but it also made me realize that I have  rock solid base, that IS tornado proof. My base is made of up of many family and friends that are stronger than any mere passing wind- no matter how scary it might seem at the time. So I am heading towards that rainbow, and how knows what is at the end of it? Maybe a pot of gold yet  ; )

So unlike a rollercoaster it was not something fun that I want to try over again. But like a tornado it is something that I can not avoid, could not have predicted, and could not change the outcome. In the end it was not fun but I am stronger for it, just like the towns that survive a tornado we will move forward and enjoy the rainbow we got a glimpse of.

Not quiet yet

Ok so last Monday I went in and got the oh so not good news of the impending miscarriage. It broke my heart. It made me realize how very much I wanted Thing 4 in my life, but it was not meant to be. So All week the doctors whom I assumed knew everything had me come in for blood work. Mondays levels were 9,000 HCG level and a 12 for progesterone. Those are perfectly normal for being 5 weeks along. Wednesday went in for another blood draw and my HCG level went up to 12,000 and the progesterone stayed at 12 Not bad but it causes me to have to go in again on Friday and get MORE blood work done- btw I am really bruised up my arms from all the pokes. So they call and I get the new confirming that the pregnancy is done, my HCG went up to 13,000 not good enough BUT the progesterone went down to 10. So I needed to come in Monday to get the D&C set up.

I went through the weekend, I was sad, very sad but knew it was coming so it wasn't too hard. We started to plan for the future, and part of that is moving so started to paint all the beautiful colors of my home to boring beige and off white. GAG, it actually showed outwardly how I was feeling inwardly. Blah, and empty. I enjoyed movie time with The Father of Things- we watched Courageous, it is great by the way. I had lots of red wine, and I slept like a log- I got to take my ambien again! Overall it was a good weekend!

So Monday's appointment is at the ass crack of dawn- ewwwww 8:45. I wake up at 5:30 am to a text saying there is a 2 hour delay due to snow. ~Super~ So now not only do I have to be out the door at the crack of dawn, but I have to do it with 3 kids in tow. Thankfully they actually helped entertain Thing 3 during my appointment, so it kind of worked out. I get called back, get the weight, blood pressure, temp routine. I had a low grade fever 99.5 go figure. Must be because of the dead sac in my tummy is what I think. SO I get the invasive internal exam over with talk to the doctor about what a D&C entails, and sign the paper work and am set up to go in Thursday morning. I just have to get a sono to clear me and then I can be on my way.

No biggie, I don't mind them too much at this point...ok I do but it is the last thing I need to do be done with this roller coaster. The technician brings me in onto the table I go- invaded yet once more, and she has no clue what id going on and says all cheery like oh there's the heartbeat. My face must have dropped because she turns the monitor to me and yes I see it too, there is a flutter to the baby that is NOT supposed to be there. I told her she must be wrong, I was being cleared for a D&C. She smiles and says well from looks of this there is going to be no D&C So she goes on to measure the sac, the yolk the baby, and the heart rate. The heart rate is a little worry some because it is a little low 96 and normal is 100 at this age, but she told me it is very very early and might have just started to beat. She told me to get dressed I need to talk to the doc again, and I get ushered into yet another room.

The doctor comes in and say well we are not doing a D&C, but with the low heart rate and my low levels it will most likely end is a miscarriage still. There is something like 1% chance of it turning around, and making it. I am still in shock and awe- how in the world is there a heart beat? It was supposed to be dead and it is anything but, for now anyways. So now I have to go in on Monday at 8:30 for a repeat sono and we will go from there.

So I got home in shock, don't remember the drive, but I call the Father of all Things, and he wants to know when the D&C is so he can try and get time off to help me. I go on to say there is not going to be one yet, that they found a heartbeat. He is speechless, and ask how. I try not to laugh because I don't know how either- I mean I do "know how" thing 4 was made, but not sure how it is hanging in there.

So I don't know how to feel, am I supposed to be happy, or excited, or am I just supposed to assume it will end, just not right now? I am now just numb, and angry. Maybe I was right on my dates? Maybe it is just fine, BUT my levels are not good. Maybe it is stronger than I think, BUT Thing 4's heart rate is low. I don't know what to feel, so I go with numb. It is safe, I wont be crushed if it doesn't make it, and I will get a great surprise if it makes it.

So for now I will take it day by day, and cringe every time I have to pee and wipe, for fear of seeing blood. My stomach turns with every twinge I feel in the belly area, and I wonder if I am causing some of my twinges? This is a roller coaster I never figured I'd be on, much less not be able to get off quickly. So you know what I know, odd are not in our favor, and the outcome is likely to be the same as I was told last Monday, but I got to see with my own eyes a real LIVE angel.

boo

So today I wasn't feeling right, and I think I knew all along that something was off. But I went in today for a sonogram and instead of being around 9 weeks and a few days I am measuring at 5 weeks-ish. The sac is irregular in shape and has a thick large yolk sac. So in other words, it is called an impending miscarriage. I have cried, a lot. I had to tell everyone. Including the Father to all Things and Things 1&2. We all cried. For not knowing who this was going to be he/she was sure loved.

So I was going to kill this blog, but I think it is worth keeping track of the process of healing, and possibly getting lucky enough to get a Thing 4 for our family. So this blog still has life in it, even if Thing 4 doesn't.

So for now I will say I have to get more blood work done- yeah to be a pin cushion, in 2 days to see if my levels are going down. And now if they are not what the heck does that mean? hmmmmmm Ohhhhhh GOOGLE. Then I think I have to go back in on Monday to figure out what the next step is. So for now I am going to go and cuddle Thing 1-3, they all need some extra love tonight.  Because I am so very very very blessed. Some people never get the joy of even one Thing, and I already have 3. And the Father of all Things needs some special one on one time too.

Keep you all posted in the progression of this new direction of the adventure. Thanks for reading!

In a mood

So i found my orginal "sisters" on Cafemom, used to love that site. Used to live on it, couldn't live without it! So I decided that after not being on it for almost a year- well maybe longer, that I would jump on and join my due date group. OMG what a bad idea.

What used to be a peaceful place with women supporting each other now makes me sad. To say it is a freaking estrogen laden war zone is an understatement. All I saw was negativity, snarkiness, and women tearing each other down. Now I kind of knew that would be there, because women are women and for the most part that is what they do. But what really got me was the ignorance. I saw women after woman talking out of their butts. With every post I read, I saw Jim Carrey butt talking. It was so bad.

Now I do not claim to be super smart, heck most of the time if you ask Thing 1 I don't know anything at all. But if I see a post where someone is going to put themselves or others in danger I will put in my 2 cents. I have had 3 Things before, I do read a lot of books. Of course a good majority of them are about vampires, but still some are not! So today I went on and saw a women talking- and I use the word loosely because she used words like "I went to the doctor and got blood draws and I got no herpes"  or "I done that before" and like BFF Thing said -she best she uses words like "prolly" and "seen". Anywhoo she was talking about doing a v-bac, I am all for them. And for those who do not know, it is a vaginal birth after a c-section. She has had 2 c-sections already so that makes her more at risk for a uterine rupture, btw the last one was 9 months ago. And then she goes on to say she got herpes from her previous partner, but her new one- aka babies daddy, knows this and is ok with it....um yeah we got that because you ARE knocked up. So you add the risk of HSV, and a uterine rupture I say it is not worth the risks to try it. So every other back woods momma jumps on me that "I no nothing" and need to research this. Actually I have, a lot. So on that note, I added a few links on v-bacs, and HSV. Not that any of those mommas can read or understand the information I provided.

Sorry this wasn't all too funny, but hey like I said I am in a mood.

So one last bitch... why is it these backyard inbreeders can get pregnant at the drop of  a hat and keep the offspring all "safe" in their infested uterus, and my friends who deserve babies, and are good parents and the children they will raise will make society better loose their babies? UGH NOT FAIR!

**side note, I am sure there are tons of great mommas on Cafemom, but I do not have the patience to weed through them. I will stick to my "sisters" that I met in my July 2010 group, and my BFF Thing. They are all the support I need.

wordless Wednesday pt1

Our coming out party!

poetic liscense

We have Things 1, 2, 3 and soon 4.
I have been asked -Oh my you want more?
I reply with a smile and a wink.
For honestly I do not care what others do think.

Yes I do know where babies Things come from.
I do not need your ideas, and I did not need rum.
No the nights were not long and cold,
Actually they were quiet hot and and it never got old.

I know there are people who think we are nuts,
and really and truly I think they are butts.
So what if our family is big and so loud.
To me all my Things make me very, very proud!

Now I know 4 Things is not every ones cup of tea.
But who I am now makes it perfect for me.
I don't want your comments, advice or your stares.
Please go away, because I prefer my Things come in pairs.

I may be no  brilliant Dr Suess,
I like to think I resemble Mother Goose.

a quicky

Ok so I just wanted to put out there what is on my heart. I worry about my friends, there is a bunch of us that is pregnant all together and all due within a few weeks of eachother. I know some of us have had previous miscarriages- me included. I worry and pray nightly for all of us, for all of us to keep our babies. I know with so many of us pregnant together the odd are not necessarily in our favor, there were 7 of us and seeing as there 6 of us left now. It weighs heavy on my heart that someone else will loose one of Gods gifts before WE are ready, and yes I know God has a plan, but it doesn't maek it any easier.

So who ever or what ever you pray to please pray we all end up with the perfect babies we all so desperatly want. That there are no more losses and heartache.  I could not imagine the guilt I will feel if I were to have my baby and someone elses is an angel, or vice a versa.

I found this prayer, and it seemed fitting. So if you are at a loss for words you can always say this one.

Prayer for a Safe Pregnancy

This life you have given us
is so tiny, fragile, and vulnerable,
safe in the womb of flesh and hope,
yet subject to danger and death.
O God of love, creator of life,
hear our prayer.
We want this baby so much.
Please grant this child of ours
a full term of nurture,
the joy and mystery of life,
and the blessing of your love.
Grant us the fulfillment of our dreams,
a baby to cherish and protect,
a child to teach and guide,
a blessing to our family.

          Amen.

first time

So there are a lot of first in my life, first steps, first day of school, first date, first kiss, first marriage- well last one too. So as in pregnancies there are first.

With my first pregnancy I was so sick, well sick is not the real word for it. Posioned is a better word. Thing 1 for sure posioned my body, if I only threw up 3-4 times on any given day it was a good day. Bad days I found my self in the ER getting fluids pumped in, and Zofran shots in my heiny.  Once that subsided around about 4.5 months the diabetes kicked in so it was daily 3 times a day finger sticks and no more chocoalte. And those of you who know me that is a food group on its own. Got to the very end and sure enough had kidney stones, that were so bad I was in the hosptial for a  week before they induced me. From what I am told it was bad, I remember very little of it, but I got so many shots for the pain, and then shots for the vomiting and then IV's and blood draws I have nerve damage in my upper thighs..... very very odd.

Well Thing 2 I had first too. I remember for sure the day I first got sick with him- it was the first and last! Again I got the gestational diabetes and many many finger sticks later and the threat of having a ginormous baby- BTW he was 6 lbs 8 oz- REAL huge huh? I had the kidney stones but not as bad and I was able to stay home and got induced before I got stuck in the hospital for a week again.

Well a bunch of years later we get surprised with a honeymoon baby- not ours mind you, but we were in the wedding and somehow got the baby, and they got the honeymoon. Yeah what happened is still a mystery to me. I mean I know where babies come from, but why I never ever got a honeymoon and got the honeymoon baby still stumps me. So Thing 3 was full of first too. It was a first that I had no hurling, puking, vomiting, barfing none of it. I felt great! Thing 3 was the first time I did not get the gestational diabetes, but I did get the kidney stones. My docs were great because I could call and say hey- this is going on, and they would send me up to L&D and I'd get fluids and pain meds and go home to all my other Things. All in all it was an easy pregnancy. Delivery was easy until the end when I was pushing but Things 3's heart rate was crashing, so I was threatened a c-section if I didn't pick up the pace. Now THAT is motivation! Cut my belly open AFTER I got to 10  F that man! I got him out in no time flat, and let me tell you he was the healthiest Thing we had had so far! And he was the first Thing that I put my foot down as a mom and demanded we be let out of the hospital after 24 hours <------ very proud of that, it was a fight for sure but I held my ground. Oh yeah I forgot to mention Thing 3 was the first baby we didn't peek to see if it was a he or she Thing!

Ok so being only about 8 weeks into the pregnancy of Thing 4 I have had 2 migraines, no morning sickness- yet I know I am not out of the woods yet. But the migraine upset me because really Tylenol really won't touch it. It really really doesn't cut it. I have to say I would take the migraine over the morning sickness hands down. I can't wait to see what more of my firsts are going to be, maybe the first Thing with no kidney stones? Maybe the first Thing with a midwife delivery? Maybe even a first Thing with a home delivery?? Who know and  I have time on my side.

snowy days

So I went to bed last night with the window cracked, I had the Kindle Fire playing crickets, and between the noises and fresh air I would have sworn it was summer. Oh did I mention I was laying on a heating blanket so I was toasty. So once I started to feel really tired I shut the window and turn off the crickets. Fast forward 6 hours and 13 nursing session later to 7 am. I roll- ok fall, stumble or something else less than graceful, but I amount of bed, and it is white out- everywhere No clue where this came from, I even checked the weather right before bed and it said rain.

So I go to step and squash a Thing that was under foot and asleep on my floor, grumble grumble. So i poke at Thing 1 and tell her it is time for school, and the complaining starts. Eh nothing new, so i turn on the tv and there are 14,000 schools closed so now I am stoked because I will have all the Things home with me to keep me and Thing 3 company all day! So I watch as A,B,C, goes by ohhhhh so excited because all the local school are closed!! D,E,F,G, ohhhh come on come on... H, I, J,K ok I don't know of any schools that start with K, but you know what I mean. L!! Finally! Wait no Liverpool closed what the...? It is bad bad out there, and my babies have to stand in the unplowed road to catch a bus.NO this can't be right, so I go to the all knowing- Google! Nope, my Things have school. My heart dropped, the Things hearts were crushed and then they got angry, and they can only take it out on the Mother of All Things. Of course this and the pregnancy hormones are like oil and water.

So now I am pissed my Things have to go out in the snow and that they are being snots to me..... bad combo. So Thing 1's bus gets here 30 min late.... grrrr. Thing 2's is only about 10 min late so that is a little better. So they are off to school in the crappy weather, and the Father of All Things said he heard there was a bus accident, with a car. Grrrrrrr momma Thing is not happy. Hormones are playing a huger role than I figured. Becasue now that I know my Things are safe at school, I can calm down and breath... whooooosaaaaa.

Until my phone goes off and I know, I just know it is saying they are coming home early! WTF? No they just canceled after school activities! I can feel the tears welling up, and that is so not me. I am not a cryer, ever! And yet I can feel them threatening, and it dawns on me. It is Thing 4 wreaking havoc on my mind. This baby Thing is going to be a drama queen or a drama king, if what I am feeling is half of what it is feeling! Poor baby Thing 4. Oh no poor me! I am really going to be in for it.

7.5 ish

7.5 ish weeks- I think!

Sunshine

So I have been tired, like wow my ass is too heavy to drag around tired. Yes I understand this is normal and supposed to be happening, but really truly, I do not have time for this. My Thing 3 doesn't care if I am tired, not at all. He still wants to eat off and on all night long, he wants to play and kiss my face and have me change his diapers. He wants me to feed him and love him and hug him and call him George- oh wait that was Bugs Bunny. Anywhoo what I meant is he doesn't care if I am tired and don't have the energy to get moving.

Things 1 and 2 also don't care if I am tired. The seem to be accustom to being fed, and having help with homework, rides to friends, and goodnight books and tuck ins. I guess they didn't get the memo that the Mother to all Things wants a break for the next 5 weeks..... rats.

You know what else doesn't care if I am tired? The mess in the house, the laundry still piles up and is in co hoots with the dishes that pile up too. The bits and piece on the floor still need to be vacuumed, the pets want to be fed, meals have to be made, and it goes on and on and on. So I have figured out 2 plans against all the things and Things that don't care if I am tired. First off I am going to list them to death. I am going to make my to do list and stick by it.... of course being Monday means I have to bust a move on my Monday tasks, but still I can do it! And 2 is sunshine. I got out in it today even though it was only like 42 out. I hung the cloth diapers on the line. It was ummmmm errrrr invigorating!

So as tired as I may be, life is not going to stop and wait for me to catch my breath because I am tired, and I know for sure that in 6 months it is not going stop for me to catch my breath when I actually can't catch it. So until then I am going to use what I can, and the magic cure is sunshine..... and a few lists. If I can remember where I put that list.....

Worry? Me?

I am not a born worrier. I don't worry about the small things. I don't worry about my kids getting sick- no I don't want them to get sick, but it happens no matter if I worry about it or not. I don't worry about the bills all too much. We have been so beyond broke that we lost our apartment, and moved into my parents house, had creditors calling non stop and there wasn't anything I could do about it, so why waste time worrying? I mean they can get blood out of a rock. BTW that was years ago and 3 children ago and my hubby was going to school full time and had lost his full time job. We have come a long long way from there, but that is another story for another day.

So as you can see I am not a worrier. I am a sliver lining person, I find what is good even in a bad situation. My best friend thinks I am nuts, and I love her for that. But in a bad situation she comes to me to point out the positive. And yes there are situations where there is no positive. I don't live in rose colored glasses, I live in the real world where it can be scary, and really unfair.

So I am not a worrier, but this time around with Thing 4 I am a little worried. I am not feeling pregnant at all. Besides from breast tenderness, that Thing 3 is not helping at all, and a heavy feeling in my "baby condo". Oh and of course my skin looks like a teenage version of myself, what is with that?? But I don't have any of the other symptoms. I am not overly tired, if anything I seem to have more energy. I have no morning sickness, not even nausea.  Everyone else I know that is due around the same time, has been sick, even just a little bit. And they are super tired.

See with Thing 1's pregnancy I was sick before I even knew about her. And I was sick sick sick all the time. I had hypermesis- aka can not stop throwing up. Thing 2's pregnancy was better, I was nauseous all the time but only got sick one. And Thing 3's pregnancy I was really tired but I don't remember being nauseous at all. So maybe Thing 4 will be like Thing 3?

Maybe I am not as far along as the "docs" insist, maybe it just hasn't kicked in? I feel guilty for complaining about not feeling pregnant, and I know I should be counting my lucky stars. I have has the 2 extremes so I know what I could be facing.

Does this mean this baby is not ok? Does this mean I might lose Thing 4? See I am worrying, and not that my worrying makes the outcome any different, I still find I am doing it. January 24th, can't come soon enough.

7 am

So I woke up at 5 am an I thought myhead was going to explode. But then I thought better of that and decided I did not want to clean up that kind of mess especially at 5 am, or 7 am when I finally got up. So I shoved hubby out of bed to bed me a couple of Tylenol. Man oh man he is a good guy. Note to self- read this blog when he does something that is rational, but seem irrational when I am huge and grumpy. So I downed the Tylenol and rolled over and went back to sleep.

7 am rolled around and my alarm went off, I actually think some how it gets louder everyday. Anywhoo it being Friday mean it was roughly somewhere between a mega phone and a fire truck at full blare. YUCK, and ouch, my head is still killing me so I am trying to get the 2 bigger Things ready for school from my bed. Side note, Thing 1 is nasty in the mornings and hard to get moving. She is always sick, her head hurts, her throat hurts, her tummy is icky, her eyelashes are bent, he toe nails are cold.... and it goes on and on. Thing 2 on the other hand is a breeze as long as the boob tube is not on. If it is well he can't function, think strait or even tell me his name. Today Thing 1 got out of the house, and I think she was dressed in matching clothes, actually she is 10 and a fashion diva all of a sudden so that is not a real concern, but I wonder if she packed a snack? So she is gone, she leaves an hour before Thing 2. So Thing 2 is concerned that the Mother of all Things is unable to get moving like normal, so he gets himself semi ready. And comes to check on me. The thing with Thing 2 is he is busy, very very busy, like constant motion, like make a humming bird look lazy, heck drains all of those around him of their energy and somehow stores it in himself busy. So he is hovering- I swear above the ground- and starts playing with my stuff on my night stand, he starts with the light. Off, on, off, on, off, on, off, on- ok Thing 2 STOP IT! So then it is on the the ear buds and then the lotion, and then I hear a weird plastic sound like a pen cap. Off, on off,on off, on. And I kinda roll over and with my one working eyeball and I see him playing with lucky 100. Goodness and ewwwww pee sticks are not for Things to play with. I ignore it hoping he doesn't know what it is, other thank an ink pen that doesn't work.

So he lets it go and says nothing. We get up and go downstairs and he finishes getting ready, and Thing 2 says mom did you take your baby test yet?? UMMMM ERRRR no I reply. Why Thing 2? Cause I want to know when we get to have another baby Thing 4. I reply well I'll let you know when I know. Thing 2 accepted that answer and went off to school.

But being the Mother of all Things means more than having 2 sets of hands and arms, and 2 pair of eyes. It means when my brain has a working moment it clicks. And Thing 2 now has a pretty good hunch that Thing 4 will be on it's way. What he doesn't know is they could very well share a birthday!

So from now on I know that at 7 am, the Things are smarter than the Mother of all Things. And not only are we at 2 to 1 odds, but at 7 am it doesn't really matter the odds.

So it is official

As the title may imply it is official, but it really isn't, at least not yet. It will be "official" on January 24, 2012. That is when we see the proof that yes we are truly becoming 2 to 1 odds. It will be the first time we get to see our newest addition, Thing 4.

Let me back up, it was official when I peed on something like the 100th stick, because the first 99 were all negative and I was sure something was wrong with me. I mean heck how can a girl be on day 50 of her cycle and NOT be pregnant?! But the first 99 lied. They all lied, I was indeed pregnant, and until luck test number 100 crossed the threshold of the house- ok the pee stream, I didn't realize how long they had been lying to me. So I peed, and watched in utter amazement as I saw 2 pink lines. Oh boy I'm pregnant, again, with Thing 4. I called my hubby at work, because of course he has to hear the news! And side bar if he is at work I can't see him panic, and as a law enforcement guy he can't cry at work without it haunting him forever. So I was safe to tell him that yes we were for sure out numbered for the REST of our lives.

Number 99- the liar!

Number 100- see the difference?

See Thing 4 was a planned surprise. Yes we wanted more children- someday, and yes I am still breast feeding my 18 month old and yes we had never used protection and heck in 18 month I hadn't gotten pregnant yet why would I now? I will tell you why it happened now. After 3 kids your shape is well, distorted a bit. I had put on a lot of weight in this last pregnancy- ok it was the Christmas cookies that did me in last year. Anywhoo I have finally lost a bunch of weight and even bought myself NEW jeans, and in a size 6! So the moment I bought them I think I got pregnant. Always the moment I buy new clothes I get pregnant. Now for the average women that would be dangerous, but me you see, I never buy clothes. I despise the mall, and would rather any day hit up the thrifty shopper for my clothes. So when I break down and go to the mall, on Black Friday no less, I should have heard the heavens crying for they knew what was up.

Ok way off track with my rant about the mall, my butt size and my fondness for Christmas cookies. Thing 4 is preceded buy Thing 1, she is 10. Thing 2, he is 7. And Thing 3, he is 18 months. Then there is the Father to all Things, we have been together for 15 years and married for 10.5. So that is our family the Mother of all Things, the Father to all Things, and 3 Things running around my house. Until now we had them under the delusion that we were still in control, but since it is official- but not "official" we are now at 2 to 1 odds. 2 Things to every 1 parent of said Things. Now Things 1-3 do not know about Thing 4 yet. We are keeping it under wraps until we have some sort of picture to show them. We can come home and say ohhhhh here is a picture of Thing 4, it is a...... Gummy Bear! Ok not really but that is what they will saw it looks like.

And this is going to be a way to track my progress of growing Thing 4, bringing Thing 4 into the world and even scarier bringing Thing 4 home. This is a way to remember all the little things I so easily forget these days. Note to self remember to blog stuff, and where you wrote the password down.

So grab a seat it is going to be a wild ride!